i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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