I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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