Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
