Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
