First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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