My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
