So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
