i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
