I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
