So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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