It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
