He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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