New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
