It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
