just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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