my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
