i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
