I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
