The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
