Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So vagazzling was a success
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
