Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
