the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
