Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
