he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That accounts for only three of the penises
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
