I think I died a long time ago.
4 words: hood of his car
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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