I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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