I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
