let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize