dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
