i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize