69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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