Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
