We named our party play list daddy issues
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
