Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
