Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
