Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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