Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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