The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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