like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
