Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
