Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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