I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your cock deserves a montage
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize