I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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