only you would photoshop your dick
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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