Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
