I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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