I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
