I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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