he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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