I'm so fucking centered right now
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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