hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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