Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
