I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
