Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
