I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize