I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
