That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
