I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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