Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
