you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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