I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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