eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
