they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
