She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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