I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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