I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize