someone get that fucking seahorse.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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