textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
