turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
