I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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