He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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